Who can answer the question?
What is the cause or source of conflict in a family business?
Though there is
not one answer to that question for every situation or family business, we do
believe based on experience, the source of much conflict is ‘misaligned
expectations’.
So what do we
mean by ‘misaligned expectations’?
Each family member
brings his or her own thoughts, ideas, experiences, definitions,
interpretations, and perceptions to discussions, decisions, planning, and
communication. These may not always be in alignment or the same as other family
members. In many situations there is an assumption (we all know what it means
when we assume) that others just know what we mean and we move forward acting
on our own definitions or interpretations. Many family members are remarkably out of touch with each
other. They fail to realize that they are not operating in isolation. These
families take the greatest hits when change is necessary or a critical decision
must be made. A failure to accept or hear questions posed for understanding
often lead to a defensive posture. When that occurs the ability to move forward
is definitely hindered and finger pointing or hostilities develop.
In these type
situations it is important that family members seek first to hear and truly
listen for understanding rather than thinking about what you want to say. Ask
for clarification. Focus on the meaning of what is being said. Together commit
to what and how you will move forward. For a family that may require revisiting
and reviewing the vision the family has developed for the future and the values
that will guide them in the journey.
Countless
families have great intentions and inspiring visions for themselves, but they
don’t take the critical step of translating their intentions into concrete
systems. Even worse, they often
implement characteristics, strategies and tactics that are misaligned with
their positive intentions, which in turn creates confusion and cynicism and conflict.
Don’t let
‘misaligned expectations’ derail building your family legacy.